


Hold My Hand

by Ursa888



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-13
Updated: 2017-03-13
Packaged: 2018-10-04 06:09:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10269989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ursa888/pseuds/Ursa888
Summary: It's a cold winter day and Jimmy's forgot his coat.





	

Thomas, Jimmy, and Alfred had just walked out of their last class of the day and the sun was beginning to set. To say it was chilly outside would be an understatement, as Alfred’s chattering teeth created an irritating accompaniment to their walk home.

 

“Professor Carson really can drone on,” Alfred said from behind Thomas and Jimmy as they trotted down some steps.

“We’re not surprised are we? He looks like he should’ve retired two decades ago,” Thomas replied in a bored voice. Alfred continued his less than enthralling review of their history professor, falling on the deaf ears of both Thomas and Jimmy, when Jimmy suddenly said,

“Hold my hand.” Thomas looked to his right to see Jimmy next to him, holding out his arm, palm faced up.

“What?” the word fell from Thomas’ mouth. Alfred was still talking.

“It’s bloody freezing out here and I forgot my coat, hold my hand,” he repeated impatiently. Thomas clumsily grabbed Jimmy’s hand, intertwining their fingers. He could hear his heartbeat in his ears. Gathering himself quickly he said,

“You know it’s January and you don’t have enough sense to remember a coat?” Thomas asked, eyebrows raised, looking down at Jimmy, though he barely registered the annoyed look on Jimmy’s face as all his attention was focused on his hand that was pressed against Jimmy’s.

“It’s not like I forgot it on purpose,” Jimmy snapped. He curled his fingers tighter around Thomas’ hand, “And it’s not like I get cold that easily really. I just need the coat to put my hands in to keep them warm. Other than that I’m perfectly comfortable right now.”

_Well at least he’s comfortable,_ Thomas thought, as he was anything but. However, the feeling of uneasiness was of the most wonderful variety as it took all of Thomas’ energy to fight a smile off his face. This moment right here, he had been dreaming of for months. He had met Jimmy in his first week at uni and had been quite fond of him ever since. At first Thomas had hoped that he might have a chance with Jimmy, as he had noticed a rainbow striped button pinned on Jimmy’s bag, but later came to find out that Jimmy was simply an ally. Though Jimmy had no romantic interest in Thomas, the two had become best mates quite quickly, and were nearly inseparable. However, the fact that Jimmy was straight had not stopped Thomas’ heart from running away with fantasies about a relationship between them, and it was certainly not helped when Jimmy made comments like “I really don’t want to get married, do you Thomas? You know what we should do? We should be roommates forever. Wouldn’t that be fun” or on one night when Jimmy had had too much to drink and he rested against Thomas’ shoulder, letting Thomas pet his hair for nearly an hour.

Alfred seemed to not notice the fact that the pair were holding hands in front of him as he continued talking, now on the subject of video games. Jimmy seemed to be hmming and yeahing enough to keep Alfred going, but Thomas wasn’t listening at all. All he could think about was Jimmy’s hand in his, how good it felt to have their fingers interlocked, palms pressed together. Jimmy’s hand was as cold as ice, but the warmth that filled Thomas was more than any coat could ever provide.

As the group walked, other students passed them by and Thomas couldn’t help but think about how those people could see them. That this was not just a shared moment of intimacy in the privacy of his own imagination, but something that the whole world could see and that was really happening. And while it meant nothing to Jimmy, it meant something to Thomas. He wasn’t sure what, since he knew how Jimmy felt, but still, it made his heart beat just a little bit faster.

He felt Jimmy nudge his arm and his head snapped to his side to see Jimmy looking at him with a knowing, jesting grin. Thomas immediately recognized the look, knowing that Jimmy meant “did you hear what Alfred just said? Ridiculous.” Thomas returned the look, despite having not heard a word of what Jimmy found amusing in what Alfred was blabbering on about. Thomas and Jimmy had shared so many looks. It was like they could read each other’s mind. Thomas wondered if Jimmy could read his mind in this moment. Did Jimmy know? Did Jimmy know how Thomas’ heart ached for him? Why Thomas could never tell him no? Why Thomas was only delighted to spend hours in Jimmy’s company, when most other people he was eager to get away from? Thomas had known few people in his life that understood him so well as Jimmy, and there were similarly few that Thomas had loved as much.

Besides the churning of his insides, Thomas was pleasantly surprised by how easy this felt. Their hands fit perfectly together, as if originally molded with this purpose in mind. He wondered in what other ways they would be a perfect fit, like two puzzle pieces jumbled in a box of millions of other pieces, having luckily found their way to each other. How would kissing feel? How would cuddling feel? How would saying “I love you” feel?

But Thomas would never know. They were close to their residence hall, and though Thomas willed this walk to never end, he’d traverse an entire continent holding Jimmy’s hand if allowed, he knew that in just moments it would. They approached the doors of the hall and upon stepping inside, Jimmy’s hand slipped from his own, taking all the heat from his hand and the warmth from his heartfelt dreams. At the break of contact, the spell was broken as well; the space between them a black hole where all of Thomas’ hopes and desires could disappear. Thomas was left trailing behind Jimmy to the stairs, up to his cold room, and his cold bed, with only himself to hold as he falls asleep to dream alone.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! :)


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